Rebecca Lueck, LCSW
Contact Rebecca:
talkhelps@gmail.com
2607 Alcatraz Ave. Suite 2
Berkeley, CA 94705
(510) 684-4334
Couples Counseling
What will happen in our first couples counseling session?
We'll spend some time talking about your reason for
coming in and discuss any goals you may have. You
don't have to fill out a questionnaire and I won't ask
questions that aren't relevant to your reason for coming
in.

How long do you recommend we be in couples
counseling?
Couples counseling can be as short as a couple of
sessions or continue for much longer depending on the
need of the couple.  Many couples will opt for a monthly
or bi-monthly maintenance schedule once they have
finished weekly sessions.

For couples where one or both partners are not certain
about staying in the relationship or are experiencing
conflict, I recommend a minimum of 8-10 sessions. The
simple act of commitment to work on the relationship for
this specific amount of time often enhances the level of
trust between you both.
What if one or both of us are thinking about ending our relationship?
I highly recommend that you put off this decision until after you have worked together for 8-10 sessions.
After this amount of time I believe that you will have a much better idea of how much work it will take to
improve your relationship. You can then decide if you are ready to do that work. If you do end the
relationship later, you will be doing so with more of your wisdom and confidence rather than just reacting
out of your pain and hurt.

What should I do if my partner doesn't want to start couples counseling but I do?
Here are some examples of positive ways you can communicate with your partner to make couples
therapy more inviting:
  • "I need your help to figure out what I can do to improve our relationship."
  • "I don't like the kind of reactions I have sometimes to you when you _____[name frustrating behavior
    that partner does]. Would you come to therapy with me so that I can learn to react differently?"
  • "I know that I have frustrated/hurt you when I ______[name a behavior of yours that your partner
    has reacted negatively about]. I want to work on that and I think it will go a lot faster if you are a part
    of that work."
  • "I really want to get things right with you and don't want to assume that I know what you need. You
    are the best guide for what works for you and what doesn't."
  • "I could go to a therapist on my own, but I don't want a relationship with my therapist...I want a
    relationship with you!"

What will we get out of couples counseling?
During couples therapy you and your partner will learn how to:
  • Foster respect, affection, and closeness.
  • Build and share a deeper connection with each other's inner world.
  • Keep conflict discussions calm.
  • Break through and resolve conflict gridlock.
  • Strengthen and maintain the gains in your relationship.